Brothers and sisters, another season is nearly upon us!
Here at Fish in a Barrel Pond that means a steady stream of anglers, all running amok, and demanding just a bit more attention than any of us might be able, or willing, to give. Combining my experience around outdoors folk and anglers, with some ingenuity and good old Yankee know-how, provided by my friend Eugene and his pal Purly, I believe we have come up with a system that will benefit you, the working guide, no matter how many clients may be in your charge.
The first part of our System is based on an Australian concept, introduced to us via our research facility in Sweden, and is really quite simple.
Staging areas, boat launches, and parking lots can be hectic places, especially with a bunch of confused, belligerent anglers milling around and getting in the way. Conceived as a way to keep groups in one place so I could have a little peace and quiet once in a while, we have adapted our Original Angler Containment Area™ to your needs, creating a lightweight, portable solution that you can use anywhere. (Complete kit $9.99 does not include curbing, plastic chairs or water. Pretty Floating Rings™ sold separately. Comes with Basic Instructions™)
Notice how those anglers, like so many of their kind, naturally gravitate to water that could not possibly hold fish. What a nice way to keep them out of your hair, yet close by, where you can keep an eye on them! The addition of Pretty Floating Rings™, in bright primary colors, allows you to increase the numbers that gather by exploiting their natural competitive instincts, and for an even greater haul of anglers, promise cookies.
Early prototypes of these Angler Containment Areas™ included tall fences, but anglers had to be coaxed in far enough to not escape through the gate before it slammed shut. In an effort to address issues of aesthetics, as well as reduce the number of serious injuries, the fences and gates were replaced with buried wires and the anglers were required to wear electric shock collars, which they were told were benign and only for identification purposes. When they entered the Angler Containment Area™ to eat cookies and show off, the system was turned on and, once the yelping stopped, they seemed content. For a while, at least.
But there were problems with that system, and it was in overcoming them that we were inspired to create the component that is going to change the control and containment of anglers forever!
Anglers tend to get cranky when the cookies run out, and after a while they can learn to just not enter the Angler Containment Area™ in the first place. When the cookies are replaced with bottles of old scotch, anglers may congregate and stay put, which is the goal, but they tend to become exceedingly surly. Eventually, they will remove the shock collars, take the booze back to their camps, and not come out until they leave, on Sunday morning.
Where some might see a stunningly expensive and job-endangering failure, we realized opportunity. Our new Portable Long-Range Angler Management and Training System™ addresses those issues in a way that we think is particularly well-suited to you, the modern, 21st-Century guide!
The key to this brilliant system, developed by Eugene and Purly, is the fine, conductive mesh they have cleverly worked into our Angler Control Discharge Unit™.
Inspired by the some of the same remote-control shock-producing technology used to train hunting dogs the world over, what appears to be an ordinary fishing vest has become a powerful way to get your message across to even the most obstinate angler.
Our old system of buried wires and collars was only effective as long as our anglers stayed within a set of predetermined boundaries. With a range of 300 feet, our new Portable Long-Range Angler Mangement and Training System™ allows your anglers to move about freely, within reason, and instead of programming dozens of units to the same frequency the old-fashioned way, each of these “vests” has its own frequency and comes with a specially-coded remote control. They’ll think you’re locking the truck and won’t suspect a thing!
“Unlock” the full potential of your units, increasing the voltage with a simple push of a button, or “lock” in the behavior you want by backing off and giving them a break. Sure, you’ll need multiple units for groups, but this system allows you to give each angler the personal attention he or she deserves. In no time at all, you’ll be herding five and six anglers at a time, using nothing more than Nudges™, giving them a little pop each time they head in the wrong direction.
Got two groups at headquarters or on the landing, all mingling together and not paying attention? If every guide uses our Portable Long-Range Angler Management and Training System™, order from chaos is just a few well-timed clicks away. Make a game of it and see who can get all their clients in the boat first, or marching in a circle, quacking like ducks but, please, no wagering! These are respected, time-tested training methods we’re using here.
Special overlaps create Power Zones™, capable of penetrating thick clothing in cold weather, while remaining light and airy for good ventilation when temperatures climb, and the simple adjustments on our remote allow you to deliver nearly the right amount of reinforcement, most of the time. The sparks alone will deter most unwanted behaviors in short order and instructors will be surprised how quickly an angler can improve once they’ve memorized a simple code — something like one long Nudge™ for “mend!” or two short Nudges™ for “get your back cast up!”
Our Angler Control Discharge Unit™ looks so much like a stylish fishing vest, your clients will practically beg you to let them wear one. They may even beg you to let them take it off, but don’t worry; they won’t be able to. Not until you’ve disabled our Sta-Lok™ fastener system by swiping a valid credit card through your separately purchased card reader, that is. Require every client to wear one of our “vests” (use words like “continuity” and “liability”) and you’ll have a brand new end-of-the-day revenue source. Set your own price. You’re holding the remote, what are they going to do?
Powered by 63 AA batteries, each Angler Control Discharge Unit™ has a built in charger with a retractable cord, and future plans call for integated solar panels. Quickly developing data transfer technologies lead us to believe it won’t be long before you’re able to guide anywhere in the world from the comfort of your own home, bunk house or vehicle, using nothing more than your phone.
The Portable Long-Range Angler Management and Training System™ includes one fully energized Angler Control Discharge Unit (colors may vary, one size) and one specially-coded remote unit. Shipping extra. $17,950
I’m not a guide, but I see a good use for parents that want to keep their kids in line.