Posts Tagged With: Vermont

An Aside

Last night, as I was fixing a platter of wings (sauce: Frank’s Red Hot and butter), the cat had his face in his bowl, purring loudly as he ate. Later, when I got up from the couch for more wings and another beer (Long Trail Hibernator), he jumped off his chair and followed me to the kitchen, where he ate some more. When I went back out for another beer and a cookie (Pepperidge Farm Double Chunk Dark Chocolate), he followed me again and ate even more. It was the same thing when I got up for some ice cream (Ben & Jerry’s Vanilla) and a brownie (home made) and later, when I went for another beer (Otter Creek Stovepipe Porter). He even followed me down at 2:00 a.m. when I decided to have the last slice of apple (Esopus Spitzenberg) pie and a hunk of cheese (Cabot Hunter’s Favorite Seriously Sharp Cheddar).

The cat eats all the time. No wonder he’s fat.

Categories: Humor, Vermont | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

With My Snowshoes

With my snowshoes, the impossible becomes difficult. Snow that would have been waist-deep only comes up to my knees and high stepping through the powder means lifting extra weight as the decks collect snow. But my legs are long and strong, allowing me to stride purposefully (remember – I don’t run) in pursuit of poachers, trespassers and other miscreants.

With my old school wood and rawhide snowshoes I can blaze a trail through fresh, deep snow with nary a sound other than the occasional creak of the leather bindings, which sounds like nothing more than a tree in the breeze. These are my woods and I can head off most any incursion, taking great delight in startling intruders into exclaiming, “What the …?” or “Where’d you come from?” or even, “How come we didn’t see you with that screaming bright orange hat?” Continue reading

Categories: Humor, Vermont | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Without My Snowshoes

Without my snowshoes, I would have to charge into the woods, leaping over or plowing through the drifts along the edges to reach the deep even blanket of snow within. If that interior snow was especially deep I would have to lift my legs high and somewhat sideways to make forward progress. In soft, waist-deep snow I could wind up wallowing in my own tracks, pulling myself deeper with my struggles and packing snow around my feet to the point I would need to lie down and attempt to extricate myself by rolling out of the hole I’d made. I could flop around like that for a couple of hours, straining, toiling and burning so many calories that I would ironically overheat and freeze to death if I didn’t suffer a heart attack first. Continue reading

Categories: Humor, Vermont | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Careful With That Axe, Eugene

 

My friend, Eugene, has a friend named Purly. Purly has an uncle who owns a camp way the heck back in the hills. The camp is really just a shack by a pond but Purly’s uncle rents it out to city people who come up to hunt. He makes good money with it, too. A few years ago, he let Purly, Eugene and me use it at the end of the season in exchange for doing a little job while we were there.

The camp is primitive,and the latrine is never more than two fifty-gallon drums, stacked on end in a hole, with a board across the rim to sit on. A canvas tarp provides privacy on three sides (the fourth provides a view of the pond) and it has no roof. Each year, Purly’s uncle folds the top of the upper drum over with a sledge hammer, buries the whole mess and digs a new hole somewhere else. Our little job was to fold over and bury that season’s latrine, which was especially full due to heavy rains the week before.

We hadn’t even been there an hour when a red squirrel ran past with one of Eugene’s candy bars in its mouth and disappeared into the woods. Eugene doesn’t like squirrels except for eating, and when it ran by again, this time dragging a Slim Jim, that squirrel became Eugene’s obsession. He set elaborate traps for that squirrel and he threw rocks, cans and knives every time he saw it, but it was persistent and cunning and it generally happened that while Eugene was looking for the squirrel in back of the shack, the squirrel was running around the front with another candy bar. Continue reading

Categories: Humor, Stories About My Good Friend, Eugene, Vermont | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

A One-Way Ticket to Exile Island

When it comes to squirrels and chipmunks there is an exceptionally fine line between preposterously cute and inherently evil. The line was drawn by humans and therefore has no meaning to squirrels and chipmunks and, even if it did, they can only be cute for so long.

Last spring, a certain number of squirrels and chipmunks began exploiting the seemingly endless supply of bird seed that collected beneath the feeders. They were an efficient clean-up crew, stuffing their cheek pouches with sunflower seeds and millet, distorting their faces into gluttonous caricatures before running off to their secret larders, struggling to hold their heads up and even running sideways due to the weight. They had a good thing going but, being squirrels and chipmunks, they got greedy and messed it up.

Launching themselves from any and all nearby objects, the squirrels became furry projectiles. They would deliver glancing blows that scattered seed on the ground below, emptying the feeders at an alarming rate, but only if they could not actually catch themselves and hang on to a feeder in order to chew through plastic, aluminum and zinc-plated steel. That was like hitting the mother lode and the question of where they were stashing all that seed arose.

Clues started sprouting up in the form of sprouts. Specifically, sunflower sprouts in the ficus and millet sprouts in the African violets and, not long after the discovery of their little agricultural enterprise, it began to snow pink insulation as the squirrels adjusted the R-value of the attic to their liking by pushing it out through their newly chewed-through entrance.  

With all the cottages at Fish in a Barrel Pond full of Club members and their families, the use of guns was out of the question. Not that crawling into the attic with a shotgun was an option to begin with, but something had to be done and what was done was this: Continue reading

Categories: Humor, Rural Life, Vermont | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Quill Gordon Channels Natty Bumppo

Animal tracks show up well in fresh snow and some people enjoy getting out and “reading” the “stories” those tracks have to tell, but generally the plot lines aren’t much. The woods are full of the apparently random ramblings of rodents and lagomorphs.

“A squirrel went from this beech to that maple” or “a hare passed by this log yesterday” are recurring themes in the woods.

There are times, though, when the story might be interesting, and you don’t even need to be Natty Bumppo in order to cipher it out.

If a large man on large snowshoes trudges across the frozen January crust it looks like this:

 

If a Northern Hawk Owl comes down on a vole it looks like this:

And if a coyote walks by and a rodent panics, “swims” to the surface and makes a break for it, that rodent is not long for this world. When the trait that causes poor decision making is eliminated from the mouse gene pool it looks like this, with coyote #1 on the left flushing the mouse, which skedaddled to the right where it was promptly pounced upon by coyote #2 :

 

Not really a thriller, and not much of a mystery, but at least somebody got a snack out of it.

Categories: Rural Life, Vermont | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

An O-ring Revelation

The bleeder screw on that fuel filter, with its little drip hanging like a jewel, was just  begging to be tightened. Knowing full well that over-tightening could damage the o-ring and defeat the purpose, while ignoring the possibility that a damaged o-ring might just be the problem in the first place, I went ahead and put a wrench to it. 

A damaged o-ring once brought down a space shuttle, and while tractors don’t generally explode, fuel leaks are to be avoided just the same. A tiny fraction of a turn to seat it better was all it needed so I began to apply pressure. Just a little at a time until I felt it begin to move. Then I torqued it a tiny bit more, ever so carefully, with great restraint of strength.

Slow, tight, metal on rubber resistance changed abruptly to knuckle on engine block resistance as the head of the bleeder screw sheared off, leaving its threaded shaft embedded flush without even a nubbin to grab onto. A thin ribbon of cold fuel spurted through the bleeder’s tube and ran across freshly scraped knuckles making them sting. My foot stomped, a wrench clanged and, if ever a lightning bolt were going to hit someone, that moment would have been poetic as one particularly artful blasphemy bounced off the barn wall and traveled several hundred yards into the woods where it startled a group of crows who were taking a break from harassing owls.

No lightning bolt struck, and the curses mellowed into growls and harrumphs. I sucked soothingly on the worst of my bloody knuckles and pondered for a moment. When I was done pondering, I knew that 1) the situation was manageable without cursing and (2 it is actually possible to get used to the taste of diesel fuel.

Categories: Humor, Rural Life, Vermont | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

A Mystery

 

A bit of January thaw has reduced the snow cover, up here at Fish in a Barrel Pond, to nearly nothing. This is not such a bad thing, though, as I found that shovel I lost before Christmas, when I plowed it deep into a snow bank.

When I was in town the other day, the giant piles of snow in the parking lots were gone but I could tell where they had been by the leaves and other debris the plows had swept up and deposited. Debris like a $20.00 bill.

Score.

But every now and then I find some thing I just can’t explain, like this mouse. Did a predator drop him here? He doesn’t look beat-up enough to me so I don’t think that’s it. There are no tracks around him, either, but I have a theory.

Continue reading

Categories: Humor, Vermont | Tags: , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Cavendish, VT, and the Man Who Had an Iron Rod Blown Through His Head

 Cavendish, Vermont, is situated just east of Ludlow, on Route 131, along the Black River and the bed of the Rutland and Burlington Rail Road. Off the beaten path, it is a quiet town and is perhaps best known as the refuge of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn during his time in the United States. The people of Cavendish protected Mr. Solzhenitsyn’s privacy while he was in their midst, and even today, years after his departure, no one will tell you where he lived.

By contrast to the privacy granted Mr. Solzhenitsyn, the town has erected a marker in the tiny town park commemorating the day that Phineas P. Gage became famous. Solzhenitsyn’s fame is associated with the Iron Curtain. Gage’s fame, however, is associated with an iron rod. An iron rod which was blown clear through his head.

A well-liked man and respected rail crew foreman from Lebanon, New Hampshire, Phineas Gage was working on a blasting crew outside of Cavendish on September 13, 1848. Gage’s crew was drilling holes into rock and placing blasting powder into each hole. The powder was then covered by a layer of sand and the sand was tamped firm by Mr. Gage, using an iron rod just over three and a half feet long and weighing 13 ½  pounds.

 

The rod tapered from an inch and a quarter in diameter at one end to a quarter of an inch at the other, and when Phineas Gage drove it into a hole with powder but no sand, the resulting spark set off an explosion which drove the rod out of the hole and completely through his head. The rod clanged to the ground nearly a hundred feet behind Phineas as he collapsed in a heap.

Dr. John Martin Harlow, Cavendish’s young physician, was summoned to the scene and, through his ministrations, Phineas Gage was able to return to his home in Lebanon 10 weeks later. But he was never the same. He became impatient and irreverent, profane, obstinate and distracted and never worked at the level of foreman again.

 

(I can’t imagine too many people who, after having an iron rod blown through their head, might not feel just a tad bit impatient, irreverent, profane and obstinate, and I can certainly see how it could be a distraction.)

Phineas P. Gage hooked up with Phineas T. Barnum for a time, earning money as people gawked and marveled at his story, but Mr. Gage felt a sense of wanderlust and eventually found himself employed driving stage coaches in Chile until his health began to fail. He moved to San Francisco to live with his mother in about 1859.

Phineas P. Gage began having epileptic seizures in February of 1860 and died on the 21st of May that year. No autopsy or study of his damaged brain was done, but in 1867 his body was exhumed and his skull, along with the tamping iron, were sent to Dr. Harlow at his practice in Woburn, Massachusetts. After studying them himself and presenting his findings, Dr. Harlow presented the artifacts to Harvard University Medical School’s Warren Museum. The tamping iron and Phineas’ skull are now on display at Harvard’s Countaway Library of Medicine.

The case of Phineas P. Gage and his accidental lobotomy is still a subject of discussion for those who discuss such things and that fateful day in 1848 will always be remembered on a plaque in a park in a small town in Vermont.

Categories: Vermont | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

A Good Man Passes

I was saddened today to learn of the death of Ted Riehle. A very nice obituary appeared in the Rutland Herald. Ted will probably be best known as the man who got rid of billboards in Vermont, and for that he is owed a debt of gratitude, but I knew him quite some time after that. I owe him a debt of gratitude for other reasons.

Ted Riehle’s home was Savage Island, on Lake Champlain. It was his pride and joy. What was once a low-slung, overgrown patch of dirt and rock between Milton and Grand Isle had, under his care, become a place of beauty and solitude where electricity was generated with solar panels and sheep grazed in green meadows while his grandchildren played on the beach. For a time, I was fortunate enough to be a part of that.

Ted trusted me as caretaker and farm manager on Savage Island and I will never be the same. Living year-round on Savage Island was one of the most intense, challenging, frustrating and rewarding times of my life. It didn’t last but I don’t regret for one minute having done it.

 Some people knew Ted as “that crazy naked old guy” but, as far as I knew, he always put his clothes on when he knew he was going to have company. It was the people who weren’t supposed to be there that got the surprises.

I will never be able to do justice to Ted’s memory so I’m just going to share a few images from my time on Savage Island. I’ve tried to get them in this post but it just ain’t working out. Please go to my Flikr photos here.

Here’s to the Ancient Mariner and the times we had, riding huge swells while he sang “… It was sad when the great ship went down!”. The time he guided me in, on a dark and stormy night, waving a flashlight from the dock in the pouring rain and later tried to convince me a tea cup was a shot glass and that I’d only had two.

For never expecting anything less than my best; for getting me to do more than I thought I could; for trusting me as a partner and a friend, I am grateful. His wisdom, advice and sense of humor are what made those long weeks of being stranded on an island in the middle of Lake Champlain – while he sailed the Caribbean – as rewarding as they were.

Ted Riehle was a good man. I am glad to have known him.

Categories: Vermont | Tags: , , | 5 Comments

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