Weasels seem to have become a theme this week, so we’re sticking to it. First, a mink — nothing but a weasel with a fancy fur coat but a weasel none the less — managed to kill six of my chickens before succumbing to a case of high-velocity lead poisoning. Then, I managed to irk a very important man to the point he hopped and sputtered, just like a weasel, but he only got a ticket, and then I came across the “This Happened to Me” feature in the July, 1956 issue of Outdoor Life Magazine.
A pheasant hunter in Alberta came across a weasel, which climbed a fence post and leaped for the man’s throat!
The man put up the best defense he could, under the circumstances.
The weasel just would not give up!
The man was finally able to disembowel his foe with a load of bird shot (something I, myself, can relate to).
Who knows why a weasel would try to attack a man?
Our brave hunter figures it must have been due to freezing weather taking a toll on young pheasants but I don’t think the weasels were out of sorts because a few young pheasants had perished. In my experience, weasels will find plenty to eat no matter the weather or population of young birds. They will even go so far as to kill now what they might actually need to eat later, and my theory is that this particular weasel attacked this man because … because … because it was a weasel! It couldn’t help itself. Attacking things is just what weasels do.
Later that same year, in September, Man’s Life magazine (one of those real “he-man” magazines so common at the time) featured on its cover another story of a weasel attack, titled “Weasels Ripped My Flesh”
It also carried a story about sinful tourists on Cape Cod (probably nudists) and an article wondering if women could indeed justify their need for extra-marital affairs (my husband is always fighting weasels?) but it was the flesh-ripping weasels that endured. Inspired by the title of this cover feature, Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention released an album with the same name in 1970 and commissioned the art work (inspired by an old shaver ad I’d love to get my hands on) for the cover of the first Frank Zappa album I ever owned, a double album including the seminal “Burnt Weeny Sandwich.”
So now you know Quill Gordon (still) listens to Frank Zappa. In fact, if you ever get brave enough to muddle through my story “Teach a Man to Fish” you will understand the reference when I say it looked as if my friend Eugene had been shaving with a weasel (Quill Gordon also listens to Pink Floyd, as referenced in the title of “Careful With That Axe, Eugene“).
But Quill, you wonder, how does this relate to anything other than defending chickens, grumpy old men with cell phones, and your eclectic tastes in music? Well, it doesn’t, really, but I do have this old ad from the days when deliberate mis-spellings were the way to go:
The View from Fish in a Barrel Pond 
That album came out when I was 14. I would go over to a friends and we would listen to it over and over. I have no doubt it was not a good influence.
My daughter recently gave me a collection of everything Pink Floyd has ever produced. I don’t ask where it came from.
The last thing I’m try to get hold of from years ago is Steal This Book. We stole two of them when it came out. I believe my parents burned them.
Excellent writing Mr. Gordon and I look forward to the email that tells me there’s something new. You’ve been on a roll this week.
Had no idea Zappa was referencing a magazine cover, always thought it was just his flowing creative oddness 🙂
Sadly, there are many youthful folks out there who would have no clue as to the Weasels Ripped My Flesh / Zappa correlation. Moast probably never even heard of Zappa. Sad.
Now – let me alone as I wander off at lunch to indulge in old live bootleg of a Pink Floyd concert titled “Raving and Drooling”, which was the predecessor to “Sheep” on Animals. The line “… raving and drooling I fell on his neck with a scream …” became “… bleating and babbling I fell on his neck with a screammmmmm ”
There’s your dose of worthless information for the day
Ken – have you forced your daughter to listen to the music she gave you?
Hi, toemailer! Nice to see you again.
Joe – that is some of the best worthless information ever!
Brown shoes don’t make it…that does it by golly, that does it for sure
Mr. F – will we be seeing you soon? I only ask so I can make sure I’ve got my steel-toe dancing shoes ready …