Unwanted Canadian Export

As the sun comes up this morning, the sky is as clear as clear can be. Not a cloud to be seen, unless you count the vapor of my breath — but it freezes quickly and falls to the ground as icy dust. Even the red stuff in my thermometer is seeking refuge, as the molecules of whatever-it-is drop toward the bulb at the bottom of the glass, huddling together in a shivering blob. Only the best thermometers will be giving any indications of temperature tonight. Some lucky people in these parts might even get to see that magic point where Farenheit and Celsius actually agree (in case you don’t own a really good thermometer, that would be 40 below zero).

I doubt cold air is covered in any trade agreement with our neighbors to the north (if it is, I demand to know what we are sending in exchange). I can’t think of any benefit to this mass of arctic air, this mind-jangling intrusion into a normally peaceful time of year. Unless, of course, its purpose is an increased appreciation of mud season and the blackflies of spring, but that’s kind of like hitting my thumb with a hammer because it will feel so much better when it stops hurting.

 I would like to reject this unwanted Canadian export outright — treat it like junk-mail and stuff the whole shebang into the postage-paid envelope and send it back. Let them deal with it. I don’t want it, don’t need it.

I read somewhere that there are something like 30,000,000 people within a day’s drive from here (half of New Jersey is already here, skiing and driving into ditches). That is a lot of people and if everyone would please take a few minutes this afternoon, let’s say just before kick-off, go outside, face north and blow just as hard as they can, it would be big help, I’m sure.

If that doesn’t work, I hate to say it but this may require Congressional action. E-mail your representatives immediately and demand they do something! Like swinging the doors of the Capitol Building wide open Monday morning so we can put all that hot air to good use.

Categories: Winter | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “Unwanted Canadian Export

  1. We export our priorities and culture, just as unwanted I’m sure.

  2. “half of New Jersey is already here, skiing and driving into ditches”

    Ha ha! You forgot about new york and CT.

    The other half is at the fly fishing show in somerset casting horribly into casting pools, off to the Badda-Bing then driving into other ditches.

  3. Clif – At least others have the option of rejecting our priorities and culture; all we can do with arctic air masses is suck it up and hunker down!

    Logan – It’s hard to miss all the NY and CT plates and those folks provide a certain amount of entertainment but for some reason my neck of the woods has been over-run with people from NJ.

    I always enjoy watching the action around the casting pools! (You’ll notice I didn’t say “in”)

  4. A triumphant post of extreme prejudice! 😉 I think they must be planning to freeze us all to death, and then invade the country with those fellows on the horses with the funny hats.
    I’m sure they know about our secret weapon, as you’ve alluded to…but they probably don’t know about our reserve attack force – news reporters! As much hot-air as in all of Congress and then some! 😉 It’s a two-part counter strike they’ll never see coming. And by the time the politicians and the media can work out what they need to do…………….spring will be here. 🙂

    Hey Clif, did you read the post? It’s about the winter-time big freeze this year, unless I’m reading it wrong myself! lol

  5. Rob

    Ok I got a question. How many White Houses have there been?

  6. Two, not counting residences used before construction and during rebuilding after the sacking of Washington, DC by the British.

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