Vermont Hand Crafted Tenkara Rods

Tenkara is an old Japanese method of fishing, conceived as a way to yank fish from small streams. Generating a lot of interest lately, its American adherents are practically swooning. It turns out that my friend Eugene has been using similar methods for years and his desire to simplify the gentle art of angling (see “… teach a man to fish …”) has naturally led him to Tenkara. Feeling uniquely qualified, he is anxious to share his expertise. He’s also fairly sure he can make a buck or two doing it.

Eugene has tried his hand at home decor (see “A Craft Project With My Friend, Eugene”) and he has dabbled in the culinary arts (see “Mouse Pie”). His qualifications are indeed unique but I sometimes wonder about him as an entrepreneur, especially when he involves his pal Purly (see “The Disappearance of Ethan Allen”). Still, I do what I can to help them out, usually against my better judgement.

With a reminder — nay, a plea — to obey all fish and game laws, I give you:

EUGENE & PURLY’S FREE RANGE, ORGANIC, RENEWABLE, HAND CRAFTED, VERMONT ARTISANAL TENKARA RODS           

Allowed to grow free and wild, our Tenkara rods come from renewable stock, responsibly harvested in a manner that ensures enjoyment of our simple, ancient art for generations to come.

Gently aged to perfection, each of our rods has its own unique characteristics, meaning you’ll want to own quite a few in order to get full, maximum pleasure from our Tenkara system.

Selected by skilled craftsmen, each rod is carefully trimmed and shaped to exact specifications. At this point in the process, safety and precision are of utmost importance.

Other Tenkara rods include superfluous doodads like “spools” and stretchy loops for men afraid of losing a fly or two over the course of a day but we don’t use them. In fact, using our methods and gear your days of losing flies could be over forever — but more about that later. And, of course, our lines are made from the finest recycled materials.

Compactness and ease of transport are among the distinguishing features of Tenkara rods. Ours are no exception. It takes a practiced eye and a surgeon’s touch to find the “sweet spot” where one section of rod should end and the next begin. A variety of rod lengths and styles are available in a range of materials. Please specify when ordering.

Your Vermont Hand Crafted Tenkara rod will arrive in its travel-ready state. Simply unwind the line and give the rod a shake.

Then, using our proprietary Torsion Flex Application System, apply as much stiffening agent as is necessary for the desired rod configuration. This ingeniously simple system allows you to customize your rig by using just a wee bit for a gentle, soft, flaccid feel or laying it on thick for a stronger, more turgid rod.

That’s it! You’re ready to roll, except for one little detail — What about the fly?

We’re glad you asked.

Even in the supposedly “simplified” art of Tenkara, fly selection is one of the most complicated aspects of fishing. Emergers, duns, spinners, hair wings, feather wings, posts and parachutes, flash backs and bead heads … why, it’s enough to keep a guy from trying!

Well, fear no more. Not only do we offer some of the best sticks in the business, we’ve simplified the whole shooting match even further by eliminating the fly!

That’s right! In addition, we’ve incorporated knowledge and tactics used by our Colonial Forefathers into this venerable Japanese practice. East meets West and Natty Bumppo takes on Tenkara in our new method.

It used to be that men hunted with muzzle-loaders, hurling large-caliber lead balls at their quarry. Quite effective on big game like moose, bear and deer, they left a bit to be desired when pursuing daintier table fare such as squirrels, which were generally rendered unsuitable for consumption by a direct hit. In response, our ancestors developed a technique known as “barking”, where striking the tree just a hair’s breadth away from the squirrel created enough concussive force to render said rodent unconscious and it dropped to the ground intact.

Utilizing the principles of Squirrel Barking, “The Green Mountain Thumper” — forged from nearly ten pounds of real metal — is the key to our new, simplified way of fishing. We have taken away false casts, steeple casts and roll casts and we’ve eliminated that pesky thinking about what the fish might be eating. The complicated nonsense of “fishing fine and far” and “delicate presentations” will be things of the past once you’ve turned a whole pod of brookies belly up in a minute flat, swinging a Green Mountain Thumper.

The only thing simpler is Noodlin’.

ORDER YOUR FREE RANGE, ORGANIC, RENEWABLE, HAND CRAFTED, VERMONT ARTISINAL TENKARA RODS TODAY! MENTION THIS BLOG AND WE’LL THROW IN OUR MARSHMALLOW-ROASTING STARTER KIT AND A FREE SET OF 12 WEENIE COOKERS! (Marshmallows, weenies and fire not included, eye protection recommened)

DON’T DELAY! ACT NOW!

(To satisfy the purists among our readers, we are pleased to also offer Vermont Hand Crafted Tenkara Flies!)

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Categories: Fly Fishing, Humor, Stories About My Good Friend, Eugene, Vermont | Tags: , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

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16 thoughts on “Vermont Hand Crafted Tenkara Rods

  1. Green Moutain Thumper…. (Insert wheeze here.)

    Gimme 2

  2. Nancy Spivey

    The bandaged finger kind of gives me pause…

  3. Dear Mr. Gordon Sir,

    Thank you so much for my Vermont Artismal Tankara Rod! Through its fine handling I’ve met so many people! I have had a bit of problem wth the backcast, though. One my first, and thus far, only, attempt I managed to lunker into the windshield of a passing Dale County Sherriff’s Deputy’s cruiser. She was very pleasant and told me next time to use more Flexicon Adhession system. The judge was very funny. I had to explain many times how to bark a catfish properly. A newspaper journalist covered the trial and I think this is very good advertising for you!
    Still waiting on the weenie cookers – are you backlogged?

    Faithfully,
    Ist

  4. Hillster: We have some very special sticks, er, rods picked out for you!

    Nancy: Eugene’s bandaged fingers give a lot of people pause. He’s the one who should pause. I don’t know how many times I’ve said, “Eugene, stop!”

    Ist: We are sorry to hear of your troubles with the back cast but we can not bear responsibility for your actions involving law enforcement personnel. Always listen to what pleasant female deputies tell you!

    We are currently experiencing some troubles with our weenie roaster supply, due to increased sales in our toothpick division. We expect to be caught up some time in June.

    Meanwhile, I hope many people like the pictures you make with your little camera and want to own them all.

  5. I’m researching tenkara rods and guess what popped up? 😉

    Another hilarious post about Eugene’s exploits!

    🙂

  6. Pingback: The Fine Art of Tenkara Fly Tying « Paul's Angling Journal

  7. Pingback: Vermont Hand Crafted Tenkara Rods | the limp cobra

  8. I found this to be funny as hell. I’m still laughing.

  9. Pingback: What Are You Looking For? « The View from Fish in a Barrel Pond

  10. Angler Gang

    Lol That is great! What’s the price tag on these?

    • An unusual stretch of weather over the past couple of seasons has unfortunately resulted in less than ideal growing and harvesting conditions. But even with a smaller than anticipated crop, we believe we can hold prices down in the range of low four figures. We’re sure you’ll agree that is quite a bargain …

  11. The upside-down mounted Stihl bar drives the OCD in me flippin’ crazy. Other than that, this is wub-wub funny.

    • There are a couple of reasons why that bar is “upside down”. One is that I know it drives some people crazy. The other is that I’ve always flipped the bars on my saws every so often for even wear. Not that I ever run a loose, dull chain or anything.

  12. Pingback: New Product! Political Discourse Paint by Number Kits! « The View from Fish in a Barrel Pond

  13. Pingback: No Fooling, These are the Good Old Days | The View from Fish in a Barrel Pond

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